Back when I was fashion blogging in college, I used to write about my every day. My blog, The Fashion Dish, was like a journal in that way. I was less concerned with readership and more concerned with recording my life. I liked the routine of putting a post up everyday, I liked the reward of seeing it online. I lost that as I grew-up. I stopped because my blog didn’t feel worth my time anymore and I truly do regret that. It was the first project I quit and since then, I’ve quit many more.
Yesterday, my therapist asked me how many blogs I had started this year. Maybe 5, I said, sheepishly. Well, it’s not 15, she said.
It’s not. And, this year was rough. I quit my job back in January of last year and since then, I’ve been trying to find my way through blogging, writing, sharing my life, my recovery, and my style. I’ve tried a few online courses, quit drinking (again), and drew boundaries around my life as much as possible (even though most of it can be found with a Google search). My intention for 2019, is to really focus on Sans-Sherif. I want to keep my past in the past and focus solely on me. My recovery is an important aspect of my life, but in order for me to continue to work on it, I’m going to write much less about it on social media outside of a few private Facebook groups and day count milestones (which I love sharing on my Instagram because I think they are so exciting). Back in college, I wrote about my clothes and I wrote about what I did. I don’t think I yet knew just how much I would come to rely on my closet as a way of communicating with the world and learning about my self. When I came out (two years after I stopped blogging originally), my clothes helped me send a message to the world (I can be gay and wear a dress) and they also helped me learn who I’m not (every other kid who I went to school with).
It’s funny, because next week I don’t really know what I’ll wear to my wedding, an outfit that most women plan a year or so ahead of time. But, I know this, I’ll wear something that makes me feel like the current me: confident, kind, and ready to take on this next step.
Today, it’s raining outside and though I’m yawning and to the outside world still in my jammies, I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I’m enjoy each part of my day so far and getting excited for the later ones. I’m asking myself what I need, what I want to wear, and what I want to share. I’m turning inwards instead of outwards. If 3 people read this post, I’ll have done my job. And if 1 person feels less alone, like it’s okay to be themselves, well, that’s what matters.
2019 isn’t about readership or building a giant brand, it’s about turning inwards, reminding myself to take breaks and speak kindly, and knowing that I’m already where I’m meant to be.
Also, here’s a NYE outfit idea to get your wheels turning. I’ll be sure to post more next week, but this one just came to mind, so I wanted to share it. Remember, you can always take this idea and walk into Goodwill and see what you can find or a cheaper retailer. Never feel pressure to buy an expansive item just because I (or another blogger) suggest it. These are just ideas.
Happy Friday friends!